Have I told you lately...

Have I told you lately how much I love and adore my son? He is such a sweet little guy at heart. I recall people telling me early on when things were tough that I should treasure every moment because they aren't young long. I also recall thinking at times, the time can't go fast enough. I'd be dishonest if I didn't admit to feeling that way at times. But seeing how our little guy has grown so much and how adorable and sweet every little thing is that he he does makes me want to bottle him up.

Just the simple way he lifts he left hand up as a gesture when he is pretending to talk with, for example, the plane we flew on to come home from New Jersey, makes my heart melt. He said, "Plane" and lifted his left hand, palm up as a gesture to the plane, "Do you want to take me home?"

He has always been interested in cars. When we were first home we would go on long walks around the neighborhood in a hip sling and he would look at all the cars, trucks and other moving objects. After he learned to ride in the stroller we would go on long walks around the neighborhood several times a day and he slowly got to where he wanted to touch every parked car we we walked by. He liked to sit at a bus stop near our house and watch the buses, cars and trucks go by. After learning to walk he would walk by and touch and look at every car I would let him get close enough to. He did and still does like to walk over to Main Street and watch the cars going home from work in the late afternoon. He started calling them dar, which morphed to tar and finally car. He always comments on their wheels, where they are parked, what they are doing as they drive down the road, if they have big lights, a big grill, are pulling a trailer, or any other unusual characteristics. He can name almost any type of construction vehicle. He even himself sometimes says when his feet are both pointing one way, "Mom, I got my wheels turned." I know it sounds funny, but there is something so cute about it.

We thoroughly enjoyed visiting my sister and her family and also seeing my parents for Halloween. Christian had fun trick or treating and kept up with the bigger kids despite having a bit of a cold. He really looked cute in his little monkey costume.

His all time favorite songs right now are "Clementine," "Farmer in the Dell" and "London Bridge Is Falling Down" and will break into song at any time. He likes playing cars, trains, soccer, golf and bike riding. He loves yogurt, cheese and crackers, any kind of fruit and chocolate milk. He loves his little doggie and Mickey Mouse. He loves reading books and rocking before bed. At my sister's Christian said about sleeping there, "We're going to sleep here tonight? Mom, you put me to bed tonight?" to which I said, yes, and he asked, "Are you going to rock me?" to which I said, of course, and he asked, "Where's the rocking chair?"

My two favorite guys!
















He is nursing a cat bite this morning from the cat we were taking in as a favor for a neighbor that was looking for a home for the cat. I'll admit that yes, Christian was trying to pick the cat up, but it still should not have bitten Christian. The doctor prescribed some antibiotics, and we have been lazy today. When the cat showed up at the back door after we got back from the doctors and wanted to come in Christian went over to the door and was so sweetly calling, "come here, come on kitty." Nevertheless, anyone in the market for an adorable white kitty with blue eyes...not kid friendly, free of charge.

One Step Forward...

Two steps back...so the phrase goes. After all the progress this week with school, classes, playing, etc...I had signed up to read a book to his class Thursday afternoon. We talked about it ahead of time and picked out a book to read. When I got there it seemed like it would go well, but then Christian was holding the book, and the little stinker wouldn't give me the book and then started in with the whole whining, crying routine. One of his teachers quickly intervened and said she would read a book while we listened. Well, there wasn't even going to be any listening. We ended up having to go out in the hall while he "composed" himself. He kept whining, "I wanna go home..." I told him we were not going home, we were going to go back in his class after he calmed down and read a book if there was time, or apologize and say good bye if there was not. He did calm down, but there wasn't enough time to read so we made our apologies and said good bye. Quite disappointing particularly after he had had a good day at school until then.

Later I asked him why he was crying, why he got upset, was it that he didn't want to share mommy with his class? My thought was it was a control issue and his was of controlling to do the whining, crying routine. Later he told Daddy he got upset because he wanted mommy to stay at home. Go figure what that means.

Grandparents Day

Christian's school had a little event for Grandparents' Day this week in conjunction with their book fair. I'll be honest, I was not the only parent that attended instead of Grandparents, but it didn't make it any less bittersweet. We wish we lived closer to our parents and little guy's grandparents. Both of us have fond memories growing up close (proximity wise) to our respective extended families, but since we both started our lives in Houston, that was never going to be the case for our children. It is sad, and I do feel that perhaps our child/children will lose out on something special, but we try to make the best with the time we do have with our parents and little guy's grandparents. I like that when my parents come to visit they are here for a week at a time, and Christian has a clear understanding of who they are. We are a little over three hours drive from daddy's parents so it is nice to be able to just get in the car and drive for a weekend visit rather than have to navigate an airport.

I recall my mom visiting the first time about a month after we were home with little guy. I was still stressed about my new role as mommy. Christian was not very receptive to having someone different pick him up, play with him or put him to bed. But it was just so comforting to have someone else here to help and talk with. The second visit my parents made together in early December and as much as we wanted to go out on a date and let Grandma baby sit, Christian still wasn't ready, or maybe we weren't ready. We did however head out one evening after putting Christian to bed and bought a Christmas tree. It was our first outing without Christian since we had been home. Over the course of a number of visits with week long stays Christian has grown to look forward to seeing Grandma Gigi and Grandpapa. My mom would swing Christian on this little swing on our back porch for what seemed like forever, and it was so nice to be able to run and do something. Later after Christian got his train table Grandma Gigi would "play trains" for what seemed like hours. Gotta love grandmas! And, what little guy wouldn't love to go visit his grandparents' farms? Daddy's parent's home is affectionately referred to as Pappa's farm, and Christian loves to go there for a visit!

Back to the Grandparent's Day event...After a little "journaling" activity in Christian's classroom the parents/grandparents and class headed over the the church for chapel. The class had attended chapel before, but in a small chapel in the back of the church. This time it was held in the main church which is a gorgeous stone church. After we went in and sat down Christian looked around and said, "What is this, a castle?" Ahhh...kids say the darndest things. I actually felt a little bad that he didn't know it was a church, although if we did go to our church it is much more of a modern church so I think the castle comment would have still come out.

That evening was the school Open House and we all headed over there to visit the class and play with his classmates. David and I talked later that night about how much difference a year made in how Christian interacted in the class. Last year he was very apprehensive about playing with other kids, prefering to play with us, and crying about everything. This year as walked in the front doors two little girls from his class were walking together saying, "Christian, Christian..." And he had to show off! He played so nicely in class, never once said, "no talking mommy," shared and even asked another boy if he could play with him. Progress, sloowwww but steady...

Christian on his swing with Grandma Gigi

Christian and Grandma Bobby and Pappa

Christian trick or treating with Grandma Gigi.

Playing trains with Grandma Gigi.


March 2009, with Grandma Gigi.

The stay at home mommy

I wasn't sure what to title this post, so here goes.

I know I wanted to be a mommy, but I know now I couldn't understand at the time how it would feel to quit my job to stay home with our new toddler. People have told me it was a good thing, or I am so lucky to be able to stay home, others have said, they can't understand why anyone that would go through everything you have to go through to adopt would NOT stay home...that one threw me for a loop as it really shouldn't be any different than someone having their biological child. It's a personal choice and I don't think anyone should insinuate their own personal opinion on me about something so personal. I've always been conservative as far as responding to comments people make. Maybe I should have taken that one head on though.

My thought process in deciding to quit the paid work force was that it would enable me to be with our son full time and help him catch up and bond and attach better. I could have easily taken my maternity leave, PAID mind you for three months, and gone back to billing my time, working my you know what off and then coming home to take on my second full time job. I have many friends that do work full time in a paid job and then go home for their other full time job as a mom. I am in awe of these friends! I'm sure if I had to I would be able to do it, and quite frankly I have thought many times about finding a job that would be flexible enough for me, even going so far as sending out my resume. But, I haven't as of yet gone back to work.

Leaving my job meant not only giving up a very nice paycheck every two weeks and the ability to be a bit frivilous with my money, but it also meant giving up a little part of me, my identity as a paid working woman that I had for 20 years. It also meant the loss of the ability to drop everything and go for coffee with friends, eat lunch with friends, chit chat with friends in the office, and work on some interesting cases.


When we brought Christian home he was 16 1/2 months old, but he was not yet walking or feeding himself. I still look at both of those as a good thing in that it helped with bonding and attachment, but it also made it a little more difficult. I can recall taking Christian to "The Tot Spot" in the Children's Museum and letting him explore the various toys and activities they had for toddlers. I wanted so much for him to try to walk, but he was very apprehensive and would get very upset so easily at any minor frustration. We took a mommy and me music class and a mommy and me gym class. I was friendly to the other moms (some were nannies) adding my anecdotal stories about my son when they talked about funny things that happened to their child, but the truth was I'd only known him for a short time and we were still developing our bond. I would see the other moms at these various places with their kids and I don't know that it was envy, but I sure felt like they knew what they were doing and I was a 41 year old novice. I was a novice, and I hadn't had the time to develop any close friendships with these moms as many of them had over the years while they were pregnant or in mommy and me classes with their children as infants. I'll admit it, I found being a stay at home mom isolating and sometimes down right depressing. I had very few friends or neighbors that stayed home with their kids, and for the few that did, we got together as often as possible, while other stay at home moms were so darn busy. The fact was though that I don't think they understood or I was good at telegraphing my desperation for a kindred soul.

I can recall going to our neighborhood park with Christian early on, after he started walking, and I wanted so much to be like the other moms that could sit on the bench and talk with a friend while their children ran around and played. Christian was different and did demand almost constant attention. It was a good thing because it enabled me to be the one that helped him, which in turn (hopefully) helped him with his attachment, but it was downright draining.


I am amazed at the blogs I read where moms and dads come home with their child and step right into parenthood or motherhood and don't seem to miss a beat. Frankly, I don't think I could have kept a blog the first year with my son. There were so many times I felt so discouraged, and disheartened. Don't get me wrong, there were many wonderful little moments in there, many firsts we have chronicled in his baby book, but for me it was a learning curve the size of a mountain and I was wearing slippers. There are still times where I feel at my wits end, what mom can't say that, but I know my son now and I can usually respond appropriately. Do I think we are still working on attachment...no doubt we are, but I no longer feel like a novice, and haven't for some time. Like any new parent Christian benefited from my youthful energy and silliness, but I'm sure he also suffered through my on the job training.

It worries me sometimes what will happen adding another child into the mix. I so adore my son, and I know parents can love a second, third, etc...child as much (after all I am a second child) but I can't imagine what it will be like. I also worry that our second child may have other issues that are more difficult to deal with than Christian (can it be possible?!). I suppose this too is something every parent goes through with their children. I worry I won't have it in me...although knowing I have been through this before does make feel like that is not the case. Only time will tell.


Here are some early pictures of Christian that I would have blogged about had I kept a blog the first year.

We survived Dewberrry Farms

Some cool weather finally made it to Houston so we packed up early this morning and headed up to Dewberry Farms north of Houston. We thought we were smart getting there right when it opened, but the lines to get in were pretty darn long! Once we made it through that hurdle though we had a great time trying out everything from the pumpkin patch and hay ride to the play fort. Christian had the most fun walking through the pumkin patch picking out pumpkins.

On the way up there in the car we were listening to some of his cd's with his favorite songs such as "Over the River" "Farmer in the Dell" and "London Bridges Falling Down" when he said, "Mom, Dad, I'm going to get a really big pumpkin. I'm going to use my muscles to pick it up."

We all ate so much kettle popcorn that I finally had to cut Christian off! Considering the crowd we both agreed Christian did very well and he really enjoyed himself, which is what it was all about anyway. While we were in the pumpkin patch we found a big huge pumpkin and told Christian, "Hey, here is the biggest pumpkin...use your muscles to pick it up." He was so funny because I'm sure he knew he wouldn't be able to pick it up but he still got down and huffed and puffed pretending he was lifting it.

By the time we made it back to the car David said, "I feel like I should have gotten a shirt that said, 'I survived Dewberry Farms.' "

This and that

We enjoyed some cool weather over the weekend and then the heat and humidity came back along with rain, so this week, weather wise, has been pretty crummy, from my standpoint. I want some cool weather and I know Christian does as well! He's still had his swimming lessons this week, next week will be his last until the spring. I am amazed at how far he has come this summer and fall with his swimming.

He has been enjoying his gym class as well. It is so nice to be able to sit on the other side of the glass and observe him with the other kids and teachers. It's a huge gym with all sorts of different gymnastics classes going on with kids of all ages, but he does a good job of focusing on what his group is doing. He has come a long way too in the gym class since we began at the end of August. It's so cute watching them do their warm ups at the beginning of the class. I recall one of the first classes he was having trouble staying with the group, was throwing these little soft plastic disks they were supposed to sit on, pushing ahead of other kids, and then even bonking another boy on the head with the plastic disk. I was mortified and actually went in a told the teacher I thought he should sit out. I felt bad intervening, but I also felt like he needed a lesson of what happens when you hit another kid. I think it worked because he has been getting better every week since then.

I have to remember how far he has come as well in the past two years. When he was first home we took a mommy and me music class and Little Gym class and Christian was very clingy, and didn't want to be away from me. He also didn't want to play with the parachute they would bring out every class and now he's in the class on his own jumping under the parachute! He also used to not like this inflatable jumping thing at the Little Gym, and now his favorite thing in his gym class is the trampoline! It does help to think back on how far we have come.

He has been asking questions galore. This morning on the way to school he was asking me, "Mom, why we go this way to schoool today?" And I said, because this is the way the road goes, to which he asked, "Why the road go this way?" Me: Because that's the way the men built the road. "Why the men build the road to go this way." Me: Because it goes under the beautiful trees. "Why the road goes under the trees?" And then he answered his own question..."because it's shady." I need to start getting ready for the onslaught of why questions. I knew they were coming...

He has been having good days this week with minor incidents of getting frustrated or upset over something, usually quickly resolved. He continues to have the same issue with throwing a fit when I talk to other people for too long. It's odd, because I can talk to someone at a store as long as it's just short banter, he's usually ok, but if I see a neighbor, or someone comes by or I'm on the phone he starts in with the "No talking mommy..no talking mommy"...whine, scream, cry...It's annoying and sometimes I can get him to stop, other times it will get more and more persistent, until I can't even hear myself talking. It is really one of Christian's few lingering issues with control. One of the other issues we have is frustration, or upsets over various things. A couple weeks ago he was riding his bike to the park and it had rained the night before so there was mud on one of the sidewalks he drove through after I told him not too, and then once his wheels were all muddy he had a major meltdown. I tried to get him to calm down and said we could go home and wash the wheels off and then continue, but he wasn't having any of it and was in full blown temper tantrum mode. We were on a sidewalk along a semi-busy street so I couldn't very well put him down. I ended up having to carry him and the bike three blocks home. Needless to say I needed a time out when we got home I was that upset about it. Flash forward to this week and he rode his bike over to a park near our house and while we were there this rain cloud came up out of nowhere and we had to leave quickly. He started down the road to a fit when we got to the gate and another little boy was holding the gate open and that was just to much for Christian, "I need to hold it, I need to close it." he kept saying, whining and crying. He was literally having a fit because this other boy was holding the gate. We slipped by that one but then it was on to a fit about the rain and he was getting all wet and his bike was wet.....Ugh! I though a little humor would help so I told him I was going to ride his bike home and I sat down on the bike and tried pedaling. It did get him out of his fit, so yeah for me... I'm still scratching me head about how to handle these fits...I guess one fit at a time.

We made a little haunted house the other day when he got home from school and it came out cute. Nothing like the picture on the packaging, but we always enjoy these little house kits and have made one at Christmas, Easter and now Halloween. Christian was a good helper and actually did a lot of the icing and placed most of the candies. He kept saying "I like candy!" as we decorated it.

Our kitty still has no name. Christian's suggestions are now, Ginger and Stormy. The cat really keeps to itself and when it does come out Christian is so excited. I'm looking forward to letting the cat out to explore tomorrow.

What's in a name

While getting ready for our garage sale I had pulled all the stuff we were going to sell into our living room and was going through it Friday. Friday night Daddy gave Christian a bath and who comes walking down the stairs completely nude and as cute as can be but little guy. He does a little dance sees this little doggie pull toy he never played with much and I was going to sell. He picks it up and starts hugging it saying, "Aww my little puppy dog." He carried it back upstairs and it, along with several other toys he reclaimed, never made the sale. Anyway, he was walking that dog around yesterday and just acting like it was a real puppy dog. Daddy asked him what's your dog's name and he thought for a minute and said, "owner...he's my own puppy dog." Funny how he came up with that name.

Then today we adopted a neighbor's cleaning lady's sister's cat. The neighbor was going to try to find a home for it and I must be crazy because we now have an all white cat. I told David I see more cleaning in my future with white hair everywhere. After she gets used to the inside of our house we're going to let her out during the day. We were asking Christian what we should name the kitty and he thought about it for a moment and said, "black kitty" and then laughed. Three year old humor...it just cracks me up.